What Happens Behind the Scenes of Success

I feel sick with fear, literally. I have a heavy weight in the pit of my stomach. When I listen the voice in my head says “this must be good, you’ve got to get it right, you’ve got to say everything, you’ve got to be clear and eloquent, on point, it’s got to be a successful piece of writing or else…(when I really listen) you’ll be annihilated.”

Annihilated, that’s a bit extreme you say? Well, yes, it is, but truly deep down, that’s the language fear uses. Mine and anyone else’s I’ve had the privilege of hearing. Fear speaks in dramatic, exaggerated, crazy tones. Bullying us, pushing us around in order to “keep us safe”.

I have no personal experience of physical abuse, but I have picked up on the stereotype abuser who dishes out “I love you”s and “this is for your own good”s along with the thumps. I’m reminded of this when I think of the way fear operates.

It’s what we do as human beings, it’s how we’re programmed. We drive ourselves using fear to achieve results that will keep us safe from wipe out. It all boils down to survival.

It feels crappy to have this low-level soundtrack running, barely perceptible but enough to provoke tense sick anxiety ahead of a task I’m totally capable of, a task I’ve done a thousand times before.

Mostly we develop these survival strategies in childhood. The ancient rationale for my own fear in this case is “if it’s perfect, I’ll be safe”.

I’m tired of this BS. I’ve got a big purpose for myself and my life and this thinking just gets in the way. It inhibits my ability to contribute.

My hunch is you recognise this too. My hunch is you are equally tired of it. It’s SO repetitively boring.

Over 27 years of experience in the transformation arena I’ve witnessed it consistently. Behind the scenes of success, all of us in some way or other, drive and/or limit ourselves with fear.

The problem is not so much in the fear, that’s a normal human survival instinct. The problem is “behind the scenes”. While we hide fear, we don’t realise everyone else has it too. So, then we have shame on top of fear and it’s even more painful. We’re disconnected and we can’t get support. It’s a vicious cycle.

There will be some areas of your life where fear isn’t an issue, you know your worth and feel confident. In other areas, particularly where the stakes feel high and the risks for the ego are bigger, fear kicks in loudly.

My provocation for writing this blog is a recognition that in order to take my work (and my daily satisfaction) to the next level, I must be more vulnerable. I know categorically through decades of personal development that handling fear is key. Fear runs the mantra of “I’m not good enough”. To have satisfaction, contentment, to live aligned with our true purpose, and be the people we are meant to be, what Brené Brown calls wholehearted living, we need to handle fear and get hold of our fundamental worthiness.

In her bestselling book, Daring Greatly, Brené Brown says;

“Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, no matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.”

Rather than white knuckling it, as I did in the old days, pushing past fear through sheer force of will, these days I have more compassion for myself. Today I’m loving myself through the fear and sharing my inner workings so you can see that fear is normal, and journeying beyond it is possible.

To have a different experience, Gabrielle Bernstein says:

“You have to look at your resistance and give up a thought system that you mistakenly identified as safety, security and the foundation of your life.”

If you have a purpose to fulfil, dreams of a different life or a happier experience and need help handling fear, come and talk to me here.